Oscar Levant Qutoes

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome
- Oscar Levant

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
- Unknown

Funny Quotes - Unknown

Funny Quotes - Unknown

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
- Unknown

Funny Quotes - David Letterman

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
- David Letterman

Funny Quotes - Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
- Groucho Marx

Funny Quotes - Mark Twain

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become
- Mark Twain

Mort Sahl Funny Quotes

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.
- Mort Sahl

Funny Quotes - Barney Fife

I'm a man of the world, Andy. Why, I've even been to Raleigh!
Deputy Barney Fife (Don Knotts on the Andy Griffith Show)

Funny Quotes

The difference between man and animals is that we don't use our tongue to clean our genitals.
- Rimmer - Red Dwarf

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
- David Brenner

Funny Quotes - Mel Brooks

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
- Mel Brooks

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

George S. Patton

"All very successful commanders are prima donnas and must be so treated."

- George S. Patton

Abraham Lincoln

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

Abraham Lincoln

Funny Jokes - Petty Thieves

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop

Jokes - Funny Jokes - Staff Meetings

One CEO always scheduled staff meetings for 4:30 on Friday afternoons. One of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why.

The CEO explained, "I'll tell you, its very simple, it's the only time of the week when none of you seems to want to argue with me."