Funny Quotes - Psychoanalysis

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)

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Famous Quotes - Involvement vs commitment

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like a ham and eggs breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Author Unknown

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Funny Quotes - Rival

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

Benjamin Franklin

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Funny Quotes - Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage:


o.. "Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10
p.. "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10
q.. "[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10
r.. "Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9
s.. "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8


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Funny Quotes - Never Marry

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

Oscar Wilde

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Funny Quotes - Give and Take

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to
find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

Cass Daley

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Funny Quotes - A strong conviction

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.

Daniel Webster

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Funny Quotes - Cheese

“When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?”
George Carlin

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Funny Quotes - Lead your life

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to
sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Will Rogers

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In the streets

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

Dick Cavett

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Famous Inspirational Quotes

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Paul Hornung

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Stumble

"I'd rather go to hell by choice, than to stumble into heaven with the crowd."

Dr. Benjamin E. Mays

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Funny Quotes - Quotations

"I hate quotations."

Emerson

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To err

To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.

Berton Averre

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Simple

"It is very hard to be simple enough to be good."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Good thing

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said
it before him.

Mark Twain

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Anger

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Muhammad Ali

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"There's a moment coming. It's not here yet. It's still on the way. It's in the
future. It hasn't arrived. Here it comes. Here it is …! It's gone."

George Carlin

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Famous Quotes - Wise and old

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.

Billy Crystal

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Life begins at fifty

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Phyllis Diller

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Funny Quotes - Taxes

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity
is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by
the handle.

Winston Churchill

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